November

It's been a year in Tokyo. I wonder how many more years will I be here.

Had dinner with a group of college friends last night, most of whom making plans to leave Japan sooner or later -- just like the me last year. Meanwhile, after meeting and knowing and talking to a bunch more people outside this world of Tokyo this year, the me right now don't feel like leaving Tokyo any more. Tokyo is a nice place and I like it. And I mean it.

Just like how I've dreaded before coming to Tokyo, people came and left all the time without ever staying longer. They still do, and I'm pretty sure this will keep happening in the future. It's Japan, after all. I still think it sucks, but I'm no longer upset by it, or not as upset as I would have in the past. I think I'm getting used to it -- people coming, people leaving, making memories and saying goodbyes. Maybe this is an inevitable process as people grow up? I don't know. I just use the phrase "grow up" to explain all the changes that I've been trying to avoid but still occurred.

Was watching Bojack Horseman last night. Everything was just so depressing. I think I really like it because I see a little bit of myself in everyone; I guess this is why everyone else likes it, too. Many words strike me as cruelly true and make me feel sad. But well. My favorites are these two:

"You know that I don't do the whole love thing. Either you end up hurting someone or they hurt you. So, what's the point?"

"If you're lucky enough to find someone you can halfway tolerate, sink your nails in and don't let go, no matter what. Because otherwise you're just gonna get older, and harder, and more alone. And you're gonna do everything you can to fill that hole, with friends, and your career, and meaningless sex, but the hole doesn't get filled. One day, you're gonna look around and you're going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world."

The Bojack he is, and Bojack who is giving out his advice. Contradictory af but I find both of them so true.

Oh well.

At least I'm still twenty and there're many more years to go.