6 Feb. The third day of my trip to Hokkaido.

Ah. What am I doing here.

Many unfinished tasks at hand. And many things that I haven't sorted out.

Sometimes I wish I could think less. Think less and do more. Fear less and make choices more easily. But I just can't. My mind is so overflown with ideas constantly. There are new things to try, new habits to form, new people to meet and I am just too impatient to wait for anything.

Though, I feel, that I SHOULD be more patient.

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JM is an interesting subject matter for human observation. As he sit opposite to me quietly typing, I quietly study him.

Somehow I've never liked him beyond the scope of friendship. He's likable in almost every aspect -- a good look, a gentle personality, a smart brain and an understanding mind; I perfectly understand why so many girls have fallen for him. But somehow, I just can't. As always I've never liked any of these too amazingly likable people around. Too unreal, maybe? I don't know. I did try, to no avail. But anyway, both of us agree that it's the best to stay as friends forever.

Maybe I am jealous of him. He's everything I want to be -- smart, confident, good-looking, well-raised by a rich family. He's someone whom I've been trying to become; I've succeeded, to some extent, but deep inside the inferiority complex just couldn't be resolved so easily.

Ah, I hate this. Sometimes I think, maybe, by staying with people like him, I'm just trying to assimilate myself into one of them. God knows whether it's a good thing.