1 Sep

Been meeting and getting to know a lot of people recently -- so many of them that I can't even keep track of. Transfer students, Singaporean students, Chinese students, seniors, etc. Too many people have been asking me out for lunch/dinner/a walk that I'm starting to feel tired.

But well, it's the last week before school starts.

だからまだ余裕があるかな。

I met Joseph; he was very different from what I thought he'd be. He's not like Lawrence at all, though apparently they (we?) all fall under the same category of people. Talking to Joseph strangely feels like getting back into some comfort-zone; not sure whether it's because he reminded me of Lawrence or because it really is so.

It's increasingly hard to stop thinking about Lawrence. Sigh.

No matter how many people I've met -- IMO/IPhO/IBO golds, research stars, amazing people at MIT/Google, etc. -- I still cannot like anyone else as much as I like Lawrence. This is... honestly painful. Only if I could forget about you. Only if I could stop liking you. Only if I could actually accept others into my life. Everything would be so much easier.

But I can't and I don't know what to do. There's just no one who seems better than Lawrence. I think I've received too much influence from him that there's just no way to eliminate his existence from my life. Like absolutely no way.

Especially at a place like MIT.

I've been knowing more people. I've been knowing so many people. But, so what. I'm still quite alone, by choice.