On the Constant Fear of Ending Up Mediocre

As I’d always complained to Lawrence, I’m deadly afraid of ending up being a mediocre person some day. I mean – looking at myself, this is entirely possible, isn’t it?

I’ve had some awards in mathematics and physics but those are nothing to be mentioned in front of all my IMO and IPhO friends at MIT. I’ve learned some programming and interned at some firms but really, I don’t know how to program and I struggle even with the so-called “easy” CS classes at MIT. I’ve studied fine art and done some drawings and paintings, but I did not continue and my knowledge in art is at best a little bit more than the non-art students. I can sing well enough that my friends would call me good when we go to karaoke, but I am nothing compared to a professional singer. I can cook delicious food that my boyfriend loves to have but I cannot cook for a living either. I can speak five languages, but who cares. I know a bit of everything, but I can’t do well in anything.

Thus the fear.

Too many times I’ve wondered to myself: what should I do? But never was a conclusion reached.