Some sad things that belong to the past
Now that I think of it, it's amazing how much loneliness I experienced in Singapore. Some of the most unhappy times in my life happened when I was there, especially before Junior College; as much as I like to go back and visit my friends, I hated Singapore back then.
I'm thankful to all my JC friends. I'm thankful to residents of RIB without whom I couldn't have made it through. To be honest I never got particularly close to any classmates; I guess there's just some silent mutual agreement that they couldn't understand our world and vice versa.
I remember a particularly sad day when I just entered JC. During a class activity, the most popular girl decided that we should play this game where one is given 3 people and decide whether to sleep with/marry/kill each of them. It was meant to be a "fun" game; people were waiting for gossips. But, to me, it was the cruelest and most stupid game ever. I still remember that feeling when a male classmate who never even talked to me got me as a choice and said he'd rather kill me. People laughed. It was a game. I was a nobody in class, a foreigner who was neither important nor attractive, whom they wouldn't even care to get to know more about. They had no idea how much it hurt, so much that even after so many years I still think about it and get upset from time to time.
I remember talking to my mental counselor and wondering if I was too sensitive. And slowly, she said, "I think you're more sensitive than most others around you, but that shouldn't be a reason to justify their insensitivity towards your feelings". I'm thankful to her words, but it didn't take me long to realize that in most social settings of this world, people don't care if their actions or words hurt your feelings. They just want to have fun, and don't you ever ruin the fun.
I'm thankful to all my JC friends. I'm thankful to residents of RIB without whom I couldn't have made it through. To be honest I never got particularly close to any classmates; I guess there's just some silent mutual agreement that they couldn't understand our world and vice versa.
I remember a particularly sad day when I just entered JC. During a class activity, the most popular girl decided that we should play this game where one is given 3 people and decide whether to sleep with/marry/kill each of them. It was meant to be a "fun" game; people were waiting for gossips. But, to me, it was the cruelest and most stupid game ever. I still remember that feeling when a male classmate who never even talked to me got me as a choice and said he'd rather kill me. People laughed. It was a game. I was a nobody in class, a foreigner who was neither important nor attractive, whom they wouldn't even care to get to know more about. They had no idea how much it hurt, so much that even after so many years I still think about it and get upset from time to time.
I remember talking to my mental counselor and wondering if I was too sensitive. And slowly, she said, "I think you're more sensitive than most others around you, but that shouldn't be a reason to justify their insensitivity towards your feelings". I'm thankful to her words, but it didn't take me long to realize that in most social settings of this world, people don't care if their actions or words hurt your feelings. They just want to have fun, and don't you ever ruin the fun.
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